And when it hits you that you're on the lawn of your own house is when the alarm bells in your head go crazy.
Especially since you're only in a tshirt and boxers.
Aargh. I think we'll have to rewind and tell the story from the beginning.
Remember the cheesling post on Friday? I very conveniently didn't post a detail that'd happened on Thursday. You see, I was done with yet another day at the office, had cancelled dinner with the polar bear, and was working on the net till sometime close to midnight. The folks are upstairs watching tv, and I'm packing up after a long conversation with the sister. Walking towards the fridge to get out the guava nectar (yummo) I'm passing the housemaid... but I don't.
She makes a move on me.
Look, I'm quite sure it was a move. Not accidental. I can say this because there was a form of, um, er, grabbing involved.
Let's just say the family heirlooms were in danger.
I, of course, reacted the way any SunilPai would; that's to say I went "gasp!" and ran away at the speed of light. Locked myself into my room, took a few deep breaths and said what I'd normally say under such circumstances.
"What the ^%*$%^$^ (%^*$^%$% ?!"
Needless to say, the lock stayed put the whole night, as did my pants. I didn't even get my guava nectar.
It happened again the next night.
[shame eww gross aargh]
Relax, the pants were on the whole time. As a matter of fact, I think my jeans have grafted themselves on to my thighs so it makes removing them plain impossible. Besides, this is just yet another time when the Gods get together in their divine rec-room and think, "How do we mess with Pai's destiny today?". I'm doomed, never should have told them that I'd gone atheist (yes yes, paradoxironical, I know)
So Saturday, I did what was expected. I ran farther away. Took half the day off, met with up with the metrochIca in Mojo's and didn't move butt till evening. This, of course, was even more depressing since she looked WOW and I was in my crummy kurta-lookalike. Whatever. Then, got myself invited to a LoungePiranha Jam session (those guys are good, and got suitably impressed with the stuff I loaned them from my giganto hard drive. I say 'loaned' because OMG, I am SO going to make them regret the favour) and headed for ScottishWines to meet the women.
Of course, I was also mighty drunk by this time, so I promptly decided to let the loose lips run and make a fool of myself.
Factor 1: A new woman's at the table. She's undescribably want-able, if you get my drift.
Factor 2: My cheesling theory isn't going down too well, and I need fresh material to spruce up my FunnyGuy reputation.
Factor 3: More wine at the table = more wine in my tummy.
So, idiot that I am, I decide to tell them the housemaid story.
As you can imagine, this counts amongst the worst decisions ever made by a human, equivalent probably to the time they decided to make Sosyo (yucky).
I must tell you this. When you're stony drunk, you don't recognize for about twenty minutes that the people around you aren't laughing at your joke, but they're laughing at YOU. When the fact hits, however, it's plain cruel. And it can only get worse.
Of course, you also make the mistake of thinking more alcohol will help.
Anyway, long story short, I messed up my rep for the next few months, stayed the night at the BroInLaw's place(this is what he had to say about it), chain smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, and woke up next morning for the weekly KQA quiz. Got into the finals, sucked there, reached Koshy's with Rajib, the bear, got a lot of new comics/music/anime from Beatzo, and reached home in time for Dinner.
Yes, home. In proximity of the maid again.
Thankfully, no more Pi-molestation occured, and I decided to stuff my face with my aunt's God-fabulous FishCurryRice, and went back onto the net.
Depressing. Opinion on the cheesling post was mixed. And Spai and Pirates are having some totally weird love-hate relationship in the comments section that I have no intention of stepping into (I repeat, I am NOT stepping into it). Also, V_ was also back online, and conversation with her and left me more mixed up than ever. Harumph.
Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. It's late in the night. My mind's delving into a whirl of misunderstandings, expectations, and missed chances. I'm standing on the lawn, feeling the grass between my toes and the wind on my face. Man, I'm confused.
Also, I'm scared to go back inside the house, because the maid's there. Duh. I lock up the house FROM THE OUTSIDE, lie down on the lawn, and then proceed to have the best sleep I've had in three days.
Honestly, what better option did I have?