"'Truth is strange," you know, "stranger than fiction' - besides being more to the point" - Edgar Allan Poe

September 28, 2006

Dance baby, dance!

Clubbing always scares the bejeesus out of me.

Sorry. "cLUbbiN'".

All is good till I enter the place. Sure, I'd have managed to sucker some woman to go along with me so that 1. the cover charge is less 2. I don't like a desperate fool out to score in clothes that are nice, but aren't, you know, "threads". I enter and immediately get depressed. SO MANY hot women, so little to drink. The music means I can't have a half decent conversation with the new hottie I've just been introduced to. Of course, I hear the words "shopping" and "shoes" and promptly excuse myself to go grab a drink.

2 drinks down the line, I'm gearing up. I feel the need to dance. I head for the floor warily. There's a whole lot of movement happening over there, the lights are wild, and I'm sure I see body-on-body action happening in the corner.

Depressing, but I'm already here, so let's plunge in.

This is where the real problem starts.

You see, I'm afraid of any voice that comes from the speakers.

The percussion is in my ears, I'm doing the boogie as the music is taking me over. I'm entering this whole region of communal thought, losing control of body, mind, soul (in that order) when suddenly...

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!"

wtf?

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!"

er.

"ALL YOU MUTHAFUCCHAS PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!"

Fine, fine already! Hands up! Happy? [whimper]

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR!"

[crying] But they're already up!

"SHAKE THAT BOOTY THANG!"

Jesus Christ.

"SHAKE THAT BOOTY THANG!"

...

"C'MON HO, SHAKE THAT BOOTY THANG!"

[wiggle wiggle]

"NOW TOUCH THE GROUND, GO DOWN, GO DOWN, GO DOWN"

...

'Pi, I like you as a friend, but please take your face out of my crotch'

I can't help it. The voices are telling me to do so.

"SAY OYE OYE!"

oye oye.

"OYE OYE!"

oye oye.

"OYE OYE!"

oye oye.

"WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK, SIR?"

would you like a drink sir.

"Er, no, would YOU like a drink, Sir?"

Oh wait, that's just the waiter. Fuck no, I don't want a drink. Not unless the voice from the speaker tells me to.

"LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX, BABY!"

...

On second thought, let's have that drink. A large.
--------------------

The night comes to an end, and we walk out all tired and danced out. And the woman I'm with looks at me and goes "Wow, Pi, you must have really enjoyed yourself. You're actually smiling! That's so rare!"

Hey, I can't help it. I was only following orders.

13 Comments:

Venu said...

LOL

flypig said...

Ur nuts. Alok has married into a family of lunatics. Im so happy. I want to bite someone.

Pi said...

Er.

[lost for words]

Akhila said...

ROFL.
will you marry me? will save me having to buy a tv.

sims said...

lol..really funny..

Pi said...

Akhila, I keep telling you, you can't afford the dowry.

Sims, hey, welcome to my blaaargh. thanks :) CEC doing you well?

Jeevan said...

Fucking hilarious!

The Commenter said...

Ha ha - wtf. i like the crap

Jo said...

ROTFL!!! Oh man, o' man!! :-D

rakesh said...

that was hilarious to the core. :D

rakesh said...

well testing if this thing works or not

rakesh said...

This is damn good i guess

Pi said...

:)) aww, you guys!