"'Truth is strange," you know, "stranger than fiction' - besides being more to the point" - Edgar Allan Poe

January 04, 2005

My name is...

It's Saturday night, and there's nothing left to do but plop yourself in front of the tv, remote in one hand, crossie in the other. You're too lazy to cook, so you order cheap takeout food and wait for it to come. The wallet's comfortably set a few metres from the door so you don't have to go looking around when dinner arrives.

It's all boring, but that's alright. These 'boring' periods are when most of your thinking gets done. The tv rambles on, and 2 hours of canned laughter still can't bring about the faintest giggle from you. The crossie's got three clues left, damned if you can get them.

Across 8: Sounds like comfortable clothes for the computer, maybe? (8)

You catch yourself staring into nothingness for a few minutes longer than necessary. A fleeting desire for productive work passes over you, but that's lost in the commercial blaring out into space, urging you to buy the latest stomach crunch apparatus, mingled with black and white dramatizations of why all previous apparatus were worthless. Seriously, don't they get the fact that their target audience is a bunch of fat morons?

Down 11: Old beer's stinky vapour? (10)

The food's all gone, and you scrape away the little disgusting cold cheese that's stuck to the cardboard; after staring at it for a minute it disappears into your mouth. No regrets. Channelsurf for 30 seconds before you realize that it's all bullshit, so you might as well watch the regional softporn for a while. The nausea takes over, and it's got more to do with the excess cellulite on screen than the odour that's coming out of your armpits. Switch back to [insertrandomchannelname] and watch [insertinanetopic] being discussed on [inserttalkshowname], like the world would change because of it.

Your mind wanders, and you think of the chick you bumped into that afternoon. It sure would have been nice if you had gotten her cell number because then you'd have asked her out to coffee and then maybe dinner and then long chats on the phone and drives through open highways, her hair being thrown every which way by the breeze and then you'd get married after dating for six months and maybe a couple of kids and that beachhouse you always dreamt of and by then you'd be a successful novelist/businessman/whatever and you'd buy a spanking new car and you'd still be madly in love and...

Across 14: This sport angered the ant (7)

Yawn. Your hand reaches out to scratch your knee, and you realize that your whole left foot's gone numb. The irony of the situation is amusing, now that you'll have to hop about for a while just to get the pinsandneedles out. A sleeping foot, hilarious. Might as well go and blog for a while, then crash into the usual 12 hour slumber routine. After all, tonight was named after you, wasn't it?

PS: Software, Flatulence, Cricket.


citrus said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Saturday Night Takeout said...

Now, why would you do a thing like that? Delete a comment, I mean. Hmmm...

1. Unknown blogger, a woman named citrus.
2. Possibly offensive post, thanks to SNT. [though why that would be is beyond me]
3. A (This post has been deleted by the author) sign, timestamp 12:40 pm. [Ok, so I would have said 'authoress' if there is such a word, but whatever].

"It's as thick as soup, Watson."
"What is, Holmes?"
"Why, this soup, of course."
"Ah. And what about the case?"
"You mean the case of whisky?"
"No, no, I meant the mystery. The one with the missing comment."
"That, my friend, is not worth any comment. Comprende Watson?"
"Then what the fuck is wrong with you? Why're you rambling like a dumbass? Seriously Sherlock, sometimes you just piss me off!"


citrus said...

*smile* i said you were entertaining .. and you are :)

citrus said...

i think i also might have said well wriiten

Saturday Night Takeout said...

[Takes deep bow.]

Spai said...

I think this is all too cute... yeah i say cute instead of weird, crazy, asskicker, and something amusing! Yeah so this is what I do in office.... read your blogs and say... why can't I just go home and pinch ur cheeks :)... Hell yeah it is entertaining!

Rock on bro!

DJ said...

I have found a gold mine!! marry me!! :-)..

Pi said...

If only it was that easy :P

Oh wait, it is! Waaiiiittt, come back DEEEJAAAAYYY!!!


Shanky said...

3 but dude... ur crazy!!!
2 its awesome! haha...
1 hey... whats up?

Pi said...

Junior Shanky pants? Woah, long time.

All's good.

sanjogta said...

it happens a lot... the cramp's annoying but yeah when u think abt it funny to hop around